| Oh well |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|11:38 pm] |
I sit alone in my room, the cold night air chilling me to the bone.
I have forsaken company and group activities this evening in favour sitting around reading. Sometimes I can be an antisocial motherfucker at the drop of a hat.
I blame the mood swings, I was fine until about four o'clock this afternoon, that was when I turned into a morose car wreck of a man. Nothing set it off, I'd had a pretty good day, did sweet FA at work and had a pub lunch with some mates, it was proving to be quite a decent day.
Then BOOM, instant depression.
I think the worst thing about the downard swings is that when I'm like this I remember how little I care about anyone other than myself.
Callous? Yes.
It's true, when I'm like this it really brings into focus my utter disgust of humanity as a whole, I wish it were otherwise but, hey, there ya go. |
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| Go on, stoke my ego! |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|11:46 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Ava Adore - The Smashing Pumpkins | ] |
Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word. No more.
Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you. |
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| This amused me |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|10:13 pm] |
On the twelfth day of Christmas,  Prince_Agraxor sent to me... Twelve tattoos drumming Eleven deftones piping Ten books a-leaping Nine movies dancing Eight wargames a-milking Seven comics a-roleplaying Six piercings a-nightwing Five dc co-o-o-omics Four wood elves Three pc games Two vg cats ...and a brom in a sin city. |
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| Sad |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|01:56 am] |
I've noticed I only seem to update this when I'm feeling bad.
Pehaps I should change that.
Not tonight though. Tonight I'm in one of those moods that make me say "what's the fucking point?"
Really, am I missing something?
I feel so fucking pathetic just now. I spent 10 minutes without something to distract me and I now wish I was dead.
I shall attempt an update when I'm cheery, although don't hold your breath, you might suffocate. |
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| Game-tacular |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|01:37 am] |
| You scored as Character Player. The Character Player enjoys creating in-depth characters with distinct and rich personalities. He identifies closely with his characters, feeling detached from the game if he doesn�t. He takes creative pride in exploring different characters, often making each new one radically different than others he�s played. The Character Player bases his decisions on his character's psychology first and foremost. He may view rules as a necessary evil at best, preferring sessions in which the dice never come out of their bags. For the Character Player, the greatest reward comes from experiencing the game from the emotional perspective of an interesting character.
Character Player | | 95% | Storyteller | | 90% | Weekend Warrior | | 35% | Casual Gamer | | 30% | Tactician | | 25% | Power Gamer | | 0% | Specialist | | 0% | </td>
What RPG Player (Not Character) Type Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| Rage |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|11:50 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Summer of Hell - My Ruin | ] |
Despite having just laughed myself sill at Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby I am inexplicably filled with rage.
I honestly feel as if the only thing that will make me feel better is beating someone to a pulp with my bare hands. The feel of a fist connecting with flesh is a distant memory, but I recall it being a good one.
It worries me a little that I feel this way, but I'm long since past caring about things like this anymore since I pretty much know I'll either feel euphoric or like I want to die when I wake up.
Fuck it. |
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| Meh |
[Oct. 10th, 2006|12:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hurt - NIN | ] |
Well, the moods swings started again today.
I hadn't had any in quite a while and then today they came back with a vengance. I woke up feeling pretty good, wasn't too bad on the subway then I got out and felt like I wanted to curl up and die.
So, I get to work and head to the toilet prior to starting, I realise that I'm so stressed that I think I might vomit, which wasn't helping at all. I make a coffe and sit down, it's nice and quiet and I deal with a few technical support and billing enquiries, then all of a sudden I feel much better. It gets busy, I feel fine.
Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, boom, it hits me again. I almost started crying while on the phone to a dealer, it's never been this bad before.
This continues throughout the day until I reach this point here. Hopefully things'll be better tomorrow, although I'm going to bring this up with my new doctor, since the old one was, well, shite.
How hum, as I often say,so it goes. |
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| Meme I pinched |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|07:07 pm] |
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was behind you?
Toilet doors
2. How much cash did you spend yesterday?
£28.50
3. What's a word that rhymes with mist?
Drizzt
4. Favorite planet, on which you would live, if you could?
Erm, the Earth, the others don't have suitable environments to support human life!
5. Who is the last person you kissed?
A girl who I shall not name. Gentlemen never kiss and tell.
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
I like them all, although "Walk" by Pantera is a rather good one
7. What is the last band shirt you wore?
I'm wearing a Metallica one right now
8. What do you think of yourself?
I am the shiznit
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
Generic, brandless trainers
10. Night light or pitch black?
Pitch Black
11. What do you think about the (previous) person who took this?
She's cool, I don't allow dorks on my friends list
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading "The Dark Knight Returns" by Frank Miller
13. What did your last text message say that you received?
Jesus died and returned from the dead in three days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour, and he's done it twice.
14. Where is the nearest Valero?
Assuming this is refering to a refinery.
"The Paulsboro refinery is located in southern New Jersey, just 15 miles south of Philadelphia."
15. What's something that you say a lot?
Groovy
16. Who told you they loved you last?
I can't remember, I think it was my ex-wife
17. Last furry thing you touched?
I brushed against a fake fur coat while retrieving my jacket from a hanger at work
18. How many drugs have you done in the past 3 days?
I've had a cold, so I've taken what can only be described as a "fuckload"
19. Favourite age you have been so far?
Meh
20. Your worst enemy?
Myself
21. What is your current desktop picture?
The "American Idiot" album cover
22. What was the last thing you said to someone?
I'm off upstairs
23. How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled
24. Do you like someone?
I like several people, I call them friends, it's a fairly common state of being. If the question means romantically the answer is also yes, I'm not a eunuch.
25. The last song you listened to?
Yesterdat Don't Mean Shit - Pantera |
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| What happened? |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|01:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Suteki De Na - FF X OST | ] |
I wonder sometimes what happened to me? How I ended up like this, depressed and alone, sitting in front of the PC, drunk and wondering if the world would be a better place if I just didn't wake up tomorrow.
I'm 24 fucking years old and have nothing to really look forward to, other than a few gigs, which aren't exactly earth-shattering events.
If I walked out into the snow and lay down to sleep and froze to death, would anyone notice? Who would weep for me when I'm gone? I know that I wouldn't.
Fuck this crazy carousel we call life. I hate it.
I live for the desperate possibility something might occur that'll make it tolerable, but the possibility seems to decrease on an almost daily basis.
Fuck
This
Shit |
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| One of them thar update things! |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|01:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Haunted - Poe | ] |
So, yeah, an update.
Pretty much anyone who read this will know what I've been up to already, but hey, other folk may stumble on in and wonder what the Grax has been up to.
Work's been sending me around the bend, I've been doing craploads of compiling and admin-type work on a new project. We've been contacting people who have sent knackered phones to be repaired and telling then that they are, oh joy. I've been collating all the data.
I also applied to be a deputy team leader today, don't know if I'll get it, but what the fuck, I might as well give it a shot. The way I see it I'm grabbing a rung on the corporate ladder and trying to climb. Hell, i wan't to stay with my work for as long as humanly possible, they're the first place I've worked where I've been treated as more than a random piece of meat that answers a phone.
I also got my bonus, so I've been buying shedloads of stuff including 40K minis and anime. HMV has a sale on, so i bought Spirited Away for £5, Virus (complete series) for £8 and Sky Blue for £12. Also got a couple of albums, so i now own everything by My Ruin (finally) and I picked up an Alabama 3 cd, Exile on Coldharbour Lane, tis awesome.
The Disturbed gig got pushed back to September, that's 11 months, 11 fucking months.
Argh, running out of coherent and sensible things to say, but it is 0130, eh what?
Ach well, until next time.
Grax out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|01:37 am] |
| Your 2005 Song Is | 
Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating"
In 2005, you bummed everyone out. Like you care. |
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| Religion Test |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|01:46 am] |
So, I retried this one and it was 100% accurate, go figure.
 | You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
Satanism | | 100% | atheism | | 88% | Paganism | | 54% | Judaism | | 42% | Islam | | 42% | Buddhism | | 42% | agnosticism | | 42% | Christianity | | 8% | Hinduism | | 8% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| Squabbling |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|12:26 am] |
I deleted the last two entries to avoid any more fighting on my LJ.
I don't go onto anyones LJ and disparage their friends, please don't do it to me.
*Edited to correct spelling error and unlock* |
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| Destroyer, eh? |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|01:03 pm] |
Chaotic-Evil
24% Good, 76% Chaotic
|
I'm
starting a longer version of this test, and I would REALLY appreciate
some suggestions for questions from members of all alignments. Please
email me with a suggestion, along with the alignment you scored on this
test. THANK YOU!! I will make it a seperate test and will include tendencies, kinda like the "Long Scientific Personality Test vs. the Quick and Dirty Personality test.
Plane of Existence: The Abyss, "Plane of Infinite Layers". Notable Inhabitants: Demons.
Examples of Chaotic-Evils (Ethically Chaotic, Morally Evil)
Sephiroth (FFVII)
Jack The Ripper
Baron Vladamir Harkonnen
Blackbeard the Pirate
Cruella DeVille
Khan Noonian Singh
Dr. Evil
Professor Moriarty
Lord Voldemort
Actively opposes law, order, good, and all other sissy constraints on
doing whatever he or she feels like doing. The stereotypical chaotic
evil [person] is the black knight, roaming around on his own, looking
for something nasty to do.
Will not necessarily keep their word
Would attack an unarmed foe
Will use poisons
Will not help those in need
Prefers to work alone
Responds poorly to higher authority
Distrustful of organizations
Self-preservation and personal gain are their ultimate goals.
Less inclined to long term planning.
Chaotic Evil "Demonic"
"Destroyer"
A chaotic evil [person] does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust
for destruction drive him to do. If he is simply out for whatever he
can get, he is ruthless and brutal. If he is committed to the spread of
evil and chaos, he is even worse. Fortunately, his plans are haphazard,
and any groups he joins or forms are poorly organized. Typically,
chaotic evil people can be made to work together only by force, and
their leader lasts only as long as he can thwart attempts to topple or
assassinate him.
These [people] will commit any act to further their own ends.
Chaotic evil is sometimes called "demonic" because demons are the
epitome of chaotic evil.
Chaotic evil is power without control, selfishness unfettered by any law.
Other Alignments and Tendencies (Tendenices are what you would more often sway towards; esp. for Neutrals):
0-39% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Evil
0-39% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: Neutral-Evil
40-60% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Neutral
40-60% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: True Neutral
40-60% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Neutral
61-100% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Good
61-100% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: Neutral-Good
61-100% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Good
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My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 2% on Good | | You scored higher than 93% on Chaotic |
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| Ouchtown |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|09:36 pm] |
Got an industrial on my left ear yesterday, it bled quite a lot it did.
Looks cool though :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Chilled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lightning is my Girl - Melissa Auf Der Maur | ] |
So yeah, I haven't updated in an age.
I've been working a lot of overtime recently, 102.5 hours to be precise, and I feel a little worn out. I'll be relaxing for a while over the next week or four. Probably painting some mini's in anticipation of the awesome new GW releases, namely the new Black Templar Tactical Squads (no buying Space Wolves, yay!), Assault Terminators and Plastic Scouts, ny army will be almost all plastic, just 5 metal models in the whole army.
My Wood Elves though, yegawds!
It's going to be an all Elf force, so I'll be using loads of metals, but WHFB tends to be that way, ho hum, so it goes.
Tired now, post over, going to go to bed and read comics. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2005|12:04 am] |
So, my Granda isn't getting better, he's gotten worse.
His kidneys have failed and he's on a dialysis machine.
I went to see him today, he looked really peaceful, but seeing him lying there with a machine breathing for him crushed something inside of me.
If I can occupy myself with other people, if I'm in company, I can avoid thinking about it, but here, on my own, it weighs heavy on my mind. |
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